You Can't Teach A New Dog Old Tricks
by GleekPlusDirectioner
Summary: Starkey tries to get K9 to relax... Not a smart move.


"Try this," Starkey said, sitting in a seat in the chess room.

"Try what?" K9 asked, tilting his head to one side questioningly.

Rolling his eyes, the boy said, "Doing nothing. Just chill."

"'Just chill'. Instruction for oneself to stay cool."

"No, K," Starkey shook his head. "It means relax."

"Illogical. This unit cannot relax, as I have no muscle tissue to tense, therefore, I cannot relax."

"You still tryin' to teach that dog to be normal?" Darius asked, smirking as he leaned on the doorframe.

"Yes, Darius, I am." Starkey felt suddenly annoyed. The blond really got on his nerves, even when he WASN'T trying. "I'm surprised you know what 'normal' is."

"Ha ha, very funny," Darius said, wandering over to drop himself of a seat. "You can't train a robot dog."

"This unit is not a dog," K9 said indignantly. "This unit is a-"

"Cybernetic construct capable of quantum consciousness," Starkey interjected. "We know, K9. You've told us before."

"Evidently not everyone listens," K9 said, rotating to face Darius.

"Hey," he said, raising his hands, "I don't like to waste my time talking to a robot."

"This coming from the guy who talks to his car," Starkey smirked.

"Well, at least I get a decent conversation," Darius said defensively.

"This unit can handle an intellectual conversation with far greater efficiency than a car fitted with artificial intelligence."

Darius snorted. "Okay then, at least I can UNDERSTAND Maria."

"Aw," Starkey said, prodding the blond's arm, "is the conversation above your head, Darius?"

Darius scowled at the taller boy.

"What's going on in here then?" Professor Gryffen asked conversationally as he entered the room.

"I'll give you over your head," Darius grumbled, crossing his arms with a sulky expression.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Darius can't handle the conversation," Starkey laughed.

"I CAN, I just prefer talking to Maria than chattin' away to a smart arse metal dog," Darius snapped.

"Now, now," the Professor said, putting a hand on Darius' shoulder. "K9, don't wind him up."

"It wasn't ME," K9 said, sounding accused.

"I believe you," the professor answered sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"This unit finds your disbelief of facts irritable."

"I thought you didn't have feelings," Darius said.

K9 growled at him.

"Ok, that's enough, K9," Starkey told him, putting a hand on the robot.

"Should bloody well hope so," muttered Darius.

"Hey, guys," Jorjie said cheerfully. "What have I missed?"

"Oh, nothing," Starkey said airily. "We've just discovered that Darius is slow."

"That's nothing new," Jorjie grinned, sitting on the arm of Starkey's chair.

"Gee, thanks."

"Now, I think that's enough," the professor said loudly. "What started this, anyway?"

"Stark Reality, here, was tryin' to teach his metal mutt to sit," Darius explained.

"Not to sit," Starkey corrected, "to relax."

"Oh, well, that's not very likely," the professor said. "K9 couldn't relax if his survival depended on it. He has no muscles to relax."

Darius snorted, hiding his smirk.

"That is what I told you," K9 said, turning to his master.

"Okay." Starkey held his hands up in surrender. "I give up."

"Did K9 just say 'I told you so'?" Jorjie giggled.

"Yes, I believe he did," replied the professor, shaking his head.

Biting his tongue, Darius stood. "Well, I think I'm gonna go talk to Maria," he said. Leaving the room, he added, "She doesn't 'I-told-you-so'," over his shoulder.

"Whatever, Darius," Starkey called after him.

Jorjie laughed. "Well, he is right in one way."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"Maria isn't nearly as stuck up as K9."

Starkey looked offended. "Maria's a car!"

"So? Darius loves her," the professor said, taking a seat.

"And what does that say about Darius?" Starkey asked, looking at Professor Gryffen.

"What did I say?" he said, pointing back at the boy. "That's enough."

"I think we have all learned a valuable lesson here," K9 said.

"Darius is thick?" Starkey asked.

"Starkey," Gryffen warned.

"No, I think it's something like, 'trying to teach K9 new tricks is like talking to a wall'," Jorjie said.

"Negative," K9 replied. "A wall will not respond when spoken to. This unit will respond with intelligent conversation, for example…"

Jorjie rolled her eyes and Gryffen left the room.

As K9 continued to ramble, Starkey shook his head, covering his ears with his hands.

"That's the last time I try to teach you anything," he said, knowing full well that this was going to be one of K9's longer rants. Turning to Jorjie, he added, "Maybe next time I WILL talk to the wall. At least I know I'd get a word in edge ways."


End file.
